The greatest guilt that most of the working mothers carry is being not able to spend enough time with their kids. Of course, we feel that if we have all other infrastructure set in place, we are providing enough to our kids. But then quality time matters and moms need to really keep a periodic check on them to ensure that they are spending sufficient time with kids.
Duration spent with Kids
Make an excel sheet on your PC/laptop/Tablet and note the timings you have spent with your children for a week and later for a full month. Do an analysis of the same. Take out an average time. Also fill the list with time you devote to other works like: work, travel, housekeeping, and parlor, visit to relatives and friends, parties, etc. Compare time you spend on these things with time spent on children. If time spent on your kids is even less than hour, then you should consider reducing time spent on others.
Gifts you have bought your kids
Make a list of gifts you have bought your child in the last 3 months, omitting the birthday gifts. If it is more than 1 gift per week, it means you are buying him/her a gift every week whenever you go out with him. Parents tend to buy gifts whenever child throws tantrums to reduce their guilt of not being present with them. Buying gifts is not a crime but buying too many toys to keep the child busy is not a good idea.
Updates regarding your child
Make a list of things you know about your child and things you don’t know or lately you have been asking him about for e.g. names of his new friends, names of his subject teachers, or even more minute details about him for e.g. when did he see the last movie or went to a park, when did he start walking without any one’s help, etc. Ask these same questions to your husband and to your nanny or person who is most with your child. If that person answers the question correctly than you could, it is high time you make efforts to know more about your child, whether your child is a tot or a teenager.
Your child’s response to your behavior
Children start understanding when you are actually available and when you are not. They start making it habit of you not being with them. They don’t consider you for small and (later) major decisions, if they are older. Younger children start saying, “why do you have to go to office”, “why don’t you play with me” or will come and disturb you when you work at home on your laptop or may always hug you when you don’t want to! They may also stop considering you in their play or visit to a park.
It is not necessary that you always be with your child. Making him independent is also necessary but not at the cost of separating him from you when he needs you the most!
